I finally figured it out.
That's why I came back to this blog after over a year. I had to write this down.
I was in class. Yes, I know... I'm going on to become one of those 5-year seniors pretty soon. So, I have to finish a Japanese literature class, in order to finish a minor, in order to graduate next May.
My professor is a wise old Englishman. In fact, I'm fairly certain he is the Dos Equis' "Most Interesting Man In The World". When he's not giving me the worst grades on quizzes and tests I've ever received in my life, he's introducing some clever new insight.
We had been reading ancient Japanese literature, which is filled with a fair share of sordid sex tales. On the topic of Japanese men getting a lot of action, Prof. Pennington chimed in: "Of course, nobody gets with each other in America, because nobody really likes each other in America!!"
That was it. I figured it out.
Americans are not anti-social. That's not it. Americans are quite social. For instance, I took a hike today at a popular trail in Tucson, and I passed about 11 people who happily greeted me with "Hello!".
The problem is that Americans don't really like each other.
Our relationships are more surface level than anything else. Our real priorities are in personal monetary success. Not everyone, of course. Just many of us. Especially in suburbia and the vast reaches of mainstream American society (delving into alternative culture may lend differences).
There is no NATURAL sense of comradery as I feel when I am in certain parts of Europe or hanging out with foreign students. When I am around people from other cultures, I'll meet a guy and find there's an instant 'brotherly' connection. Or, I meet a girl that I am attracted to and discover an instant sexual chemistry that doesn't require strain or effort to maintain (such as running "game" or trying to constantly demonstrate alpha behavior.)
I don't experience this among my fellow Americans, and this is what's led to my general dissatisfaction.
I have some good friends, for sure, and I do meet new people fairly often. But, it just requires so much more effort than it should. It's as if to be spiritual and inter-connected means to flow AGAINST the stream. And in a society built on foundations of materialism and selfishness, this makes sense. Furthermore, so many of us are deluded into believing the USA is "the greatest country in the world" (statistically, it absolutely isn't), so it does not occur to the xenophobic masses that America suffers from drastic social problems, leading to what I believe is vast unhappiness for most Americans.
In the wonderful, cliquey world of being at a big Pac-10 university, MANY people are impossible to know on a personal level. Here at the U of A, there is a pandemic of students who don't really think for themselves. You know them as the roving bands of guys and girls--all dressed the same, talking the same, and sharing no real bonds with each other at all. Some may have fraternities or sororities in common, or they play the same sports, but it's rare as gold to find people happily interacting with each other and enjoying the human experience. Even the romantic relationships are generally surface-level only.
It's like these people are so self-consumed they don't even stop to become aware of life outside of their heads. And, they always have that vacant stare on their faces. I can't accurately describe it, but it's their mouths are just slightly agape, eyes lethargically slanted, as if they are sedated to the world around them.
Is this a problem for me? It isn't. I immediately filter out people who are infected by this pandemic, and I gravitate toward the real and authentic people. I'm so used to this that I barely noticed these fake people until last semester, when it occurred to me how much I feel sorry for them. Do they have any true friends at all, besides that bottle of Jack Daniels? (It's true, I think half the students on this campus have real alcohol problems).
After college, enter Suburbia. Same problem, different environment. Fake neighbors, fake friends, fake careers continue to haunt you long after high school and college. "American Beauty" was a great film to satirize this, especially when Kevin Spacey's character comments that his wife is treating their children like employees. Again, in a country built on materialism, children are taught the virtues of ruthless self-success, Darwinian capitalism, and how to be apathetic and without compassion. The cycle continues.
In summary, this is what's going on. Americans are disconnected from life, love, and many things. Are you one of them? Do you live in a shell that makes you afraid of the world around you? Do you cling to familiar people and surroundings to avoid anything that will rattle your boat? Are you afraid to express yourself personally? Do you regard other people only for what you can get out of them? Do you lack real friends? Are you terribly frustrated because there is no grander purpose to your life? Do you drink a lot of alcohol, and eat a lot of food, to numb the pain?
If you do, it's possible you are a victim of a culture with a social disease. On one hand, yes you must work these problems out and discover some kind of inner-realization. On the other hand, recognize the cogs of the machine that create this culture, and then take some time off to visit other lands, and meet new people. Discover the amazing contrast. The entire world isn't the same.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Friday, February 15, 2008
Upcoming Experiment
I am going to make conversation with a random group of strangers in the next elevator, bus, check-out line, or any other mundane environment. Then, I am going to ask them how often people interract with them in such a place, and if they found the experience nice, fun, creepy, or annoying.
Last summer I explored this issue quite a bit. What I learned is that many, who are anti-social, simply despise strangers making small talk when they don't feel like socializing. Sometimes I wonder if this very behavior is fostered by a society which is lacking in a sense of community or kinship. It's the same way people are very friendly in small towns versus larger cities. In a small town, you're forced to interract and know people. But, large cities are training grounds for impersonal behavior. Not to go on a tangent or anything, but it feels like we are just bred to work and simply complete our life cycle, but never find meaningful moments in between. One thing every human has in common is that we each exist on this planet, trying to find ourselves in the process. Sometimes, I wish more people would see this.
Last summer I explored this issue quite a bit. What I learned is that many, who are anti-social, simply despise strangers making small talk when they don't feel like socializing. Sometimes I wonder if this very behavior is fostered by a society which is lacking in a sense of community or kinship. It's the same way people are very friendly in small towns versus larger cities. In a small town, you're forced to interract and know people. But, large cities are training grounds for impersonal behavior. Not to go on a tangent or anything, but it feels like we are just bred to work and simply complete our life cycle, but never find meaningful moments in between. One thing every human has in common is that we each exist on this planet, trying to find ourselves in the process. Sometimes, I wish more people would see this.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
It's been a while...
I've reopened this blog to continue where I left off last summer. So, there will be more updates to come. Also, be sure to check out my new project: www.solaremagazine.com. It will hopefully launch soon as an independent magazine / web site.
Friday, July 6, 2007
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Here's a good example
Happy Independence Day, I saw this article on AOL news today.
Kansas Shoppers Step Over Dying Woman
WICHITA, Kan. (July 4) - As stabbing victim LaShanda Calloway lay dying on the floor of a convenience store, five shoppers, including one who stopped to take a picture of her with a cell phone, stepped over the woman, police said.
~~~
The woman later died. Do you think something like this would happen anywhere else? To be fair, this convenience store probably had a"perfect storm" of cretins happening. Even in some of the seediest stores in southern Arizona, I can't imagine people just ignoring a dying woman. Then again, how would I know unless it happpened?
The cell phone bit really ticked me off. It's as if this person saw a dying woman, and thought: "Oh, cool. Somebody dying. I usually only get to see that on TV, I guess I'll take a picture!"
I don't think this is common or normal behavior at all, but it's a swift warning sign when you take a room full of random Americans, and each one happens to be an apathetic sociopath toward one another. Not good, not good at all.
Kansas Shoppers Step Over Dying Woman
WICHITA, Kan. (July 4) - As stabbing victim LaShanda Calloway lay dying on the floor of a convenience store, five shoppers, including one who stopped to take a picture of her with a cell phone, stepped over the woman, police said.
~~~
The woman later died. Do you think something like this would happen anywhere else? To be fair, this convenience store probably had a"perfect storm" of cretins happening. Even in some of the seediest stores in southern Arizona, I can't imagine people just ignoring a dying woman. Then again, how would I know unless it happpened?
The cell phone bit really ticked me off. It's as if this person saw a dying woman, and thought: "Oh, cool. Somebody dying. I usually only get to see that on TV, I guess I'll take a picture!"
I don't think this is common or normal behavior at all, but it's a swift warning sign when you take a room full of random Americans, and each one happens to be an apathetic sociopath toward one another. Not good, not good at all.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Let's kick this off.
The idea behind this blog is to explore the reports by Europeans, Russians and others that America is seriously lacking in the sociality department. For a good example of the basis behind these claims, I'd reccomend reading Winston Wu's E-book at http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Contents.htm. While I don't agree with many of his wild notions, like the way he seems to blaim feminism for things, or how he makes sweeping generalizations from his own anecdotes, he does write some very interesting points worth summarizing, his views are:
Americans huddle in cliques, even after high-school.
Americans are highly distrustful of people outside their clique or circle of friends.
It's socially unacceptable to meet people you don't know in a normal atmosphere (grocery stores, shops, etc) whereas this is common-place in Europe / Russia and other countries.
"Breaking the ice" is just a term invented by Americans, and it doesn't require nearly as much effort elsewhere.
There is enormous peer pressure to conform to specific images and archetypes created by pop-culture, and that it's not nearly as bad in other countries as in the USA.
We try to boost ourselves with fake optimism, afraid people will see our faults, and this makes us socially insecure.
Even normal, non-assuming men get stigmatized as "creepy" if they try to approach a woman they don't know outside of a club / party / social setting, but this is normal behavior abroad. (Personally, I think this is a good example of Winston Wu being too subjective again. Anybody can come off as 'creepy' if you approach someone too strongly. However, this seems to be one of his thesis points in the book.)
It's more socially acceptable in Europe for men to be regular-friends with women, so women don't automatically assume men are trying to pick them up, therefore it's easier to chat and casually date.
Because of these points and other things, he says the dating scene in the U.S is far more difficult and awkward.
Winston also says Americans are extremely isolated and believe that the 95% of the rest of the world behave as they do, with their same tendencies, but this is a total myth.
I think Winston is looking at the rest of the world through somewhat rose-tinted glasses, because there are some human traits which you just can't get away from. However, I'm willing to bet some of these social problems are much, much worse here in the states.
What I found fascinating is that I never noticed these things until I started talking to European exchange students, and I noticed the drastic personality differences. While most Americans I know are shut off around people in public, Europeans seem quick to engage people in a very inclusive way, even in unlikely places. So, what can we learn from them?
In addition to trying to find a multi-cultural array of people to interview for this blog, the regular people I talk to around our bleak little town of Tucson, AZ will work as an experiment in itself: How receptive will people in non-social environments be to someone talking to them (and not trying to sell something)? How many people will ignore me, react with hostility, or how many people will be friendly and open to conversation? How many people will mace me in the face or tazer me in the balls? How much of an ass of myself could I potentially make? Most of these are very important pieces of data.
Other things I may do: See if adults really do pack together in cliques by doing things like interviewing the gaggles (is that a word?) of blonde-haired girls at my college, and other people who seem socially uniformed. I will also examine popular culture and TV and see if it really discourages diversifying your social life. Could American pop-culture be the source of scorn against so-called "nerds" and other people classified as "uncool" by most of our society?
All I ask is that you subscribe to this blog, and check for updates, so that my work won't be in vain. Thank you!
Americans huddle in cliques, even after high-school.
Americans are highly distrustful of people outside their clique or circle of friends.
It's socially unacceptable to meet people you don't know in a normal atmosphere (grocery stores, shops, etc) whereas this is common-place in Europe / Russia and other countries.
"Breaking the ice" is just a term invented by Americans, and it doesn't require nearly as much effort elsewhere.
There is enormous peer pressure to conform to specific images and archetypes created by pop-culture, and that it's not nearly as bad in other countries as in the USA.
We try to boost ourselves with fake optimism, afraid people will see our faults, and this makes us socially insecure.
Even normal, non-assuming men get stigmatized as "creepy" if they try to approach a woman they don't know outside of a club / party / social setting, but this is normal behavior abroad. (Personally, I think this is a good example of Winston Wu being too subjective again. Anybody can come off as 'creepy' if you approach someone too strongly. However, this seems to be one of his thesis points in the book.)
It's more socially acceptable in Europe for men to be regular-friends with women, so women don't automatically assume men are trying to pick them up, therefore it's easier to chat and casually date.
Because of these points and other things, he says the dating scene in the U.S is far more difficult and awkward.
Winston also says Americans are extremely isolated and believe that the 95% of the rest of the world behave as they do, with their same tendencies, but this is a total myth.
I think Winston is looking at the rest of the world through somewhat rose-tinted glasses, because there are some human traits which you just can't get away from. However, I'm willing to bet some of these social problems are much, much worse here in the states.
What I found fascinating is that I never noticed these things until I started talking to European exchange students, and I noticed the drastic personality differences. While most Americans I know are shut off around people in public, Europeans seem quick to engage people in a very inclusive way, even in unlikely places. So, what can we learn from them?
In addition to trying to find a multi-cultural array of people to interview for this blog, the regular people I talk to around our bleak little town of Tucson, AZ will work as an experiment in itself: How receptive will people in non-social environments be to someone talking to them (and not trying to sell something)? How many people will ignore me, react with hostility, or how many people will be friendly and open to conversation? How many people will mace me in the face or tazer me in the balls? How much of an ass of myself could I potentially make? Most of these are very important pieces of data.
Other things I may do: See if adults really do pack together in cliques by doing things like interviewing the gaggles (is that a word?) of blonde-haired girls at my college, and other people who seem socially uniformed. I will also examine popular culture and TV and see if it really discourages diversifying your social life. Could American pop-culture be the source of scorn against so-called "nerds" and other people classified as "uncool" by most of our society?
All I ask is that you subscribe to this blog, and check for updates, so that my work won't be in vain. Thank you!
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